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(:commentbox:)

Emma?06 May 2012, 16:00

Thanks for the feedback, Pchan! It really helps. <3

Changelog:

  • Habitat -- removed first sentence.
  • Names -- removed bubbles and arrows from diagram. Put structure in first sentence.
  • Skills & Paths -- removed diagram.
  • Wings -- amended appearance section to make more of wing importance.

PCHAN?06 May 2012, 14:32

Beware, long comment coming.

I'm only going to discuss the Zan-page for now, since I'm soooo much more familiar with it XD

Stuff I like: Info-bar on the top - Great summary and includes some things that weren't in the original race templates (height! really important IMO. cos I never knew that the Anyeli were short compared to the Zans. Or maybe I missed a line about it somewhere.) The tree diagram for politics! Finally makes sense to me ;D (yes I created Faris not really knowing what I was doing >_>)

History - The table. I like. :D

Stuff I not-so-like: Habitat - the first sentence has been reiterated quite a few times already throughout the page; cut to the chase and just say that the homeworld of Zanaryans is split into blah blah? And then continue with the rest.

Names - Much better than before, but still confusing LOL. Instead of having arrows leading this way and that, how about just state "[Title] [Given Name] [House] [Lineage] [Personal Markers] [Geographic Markers]" above the example. Less pretty, but easier to read. I like that an example was given and was circled to show which part corresponded to which component of the name. The layman's reading of the name underneath was also great, as was the boxes containing info about each component.

Skills & Paths - the tree diagram for Zanaryan - Djan - Azat.... I don't think this is necessary, since the pecking order was mentioned earlier in national politics, and frankly speaking it confused me the first time I saw it since I'm used to reading stuff top-down with the top being of 'most important/powerful'. The section isn't wordy enough to warrant the diagram, IMO.

Other Comments: Wings - Zans make a big deal out of it, as noted in crime & punishment, half-breeds. Perhaps foreshadow the importance of their wings under the Physical Characteristics/info bar portion? Like say they take awesome good care of their wings or smth xD