[Official NPC]

As if the blustering winds, unusual for this time of year,
were not enough to make this journey ill-advised,
there was a dead man in the middle of the road.

[Kiel]

Kiel was about a mile east of Hesia when he saw it.

Like, “It's too cooooold, man, for sers! Brrrr.” Kiel burrowed deeper in to the chunky knit cowl and fur-lined suede jacket his mom had made him and sent over via Laney-courier, his gloved hands tucked into deep pockets. Autumn had hit the lake-side town hard this year, you know, and for once only a little bit of the chill in his bones was because he was from Dardanos. “I'm telling you, man, that dude's got it in for me.” A few feet away, Shane lifted her head from the reeds growing along the shore of Lake Sybil to look at him. He could only tell where she was 'cause Neme was pretty bright tonight, glinting off the 'kin's moist grey eyes. The rest of her had kind of melted in to the shadows -- like, literally!

“Hey, hey, you think this guy lives far? Like, we shoulda -- Wah!”

Tripping headlong over something, Kiel landed on his knees, his boots snagged in a pile of fabric. At least, like, he'd thought it was fabric, but when he rolled over to free his feet, his gloved hand brushed something solid. “Ooh, treasure?”

A mauve nose nuzzled his armpit for a second as Shane came up behind him, but then she caught a whiff of whatever it was inside the fabric and suddenly it was like a fire elemental just exploded or something, 'cause she started snarling and her hackles were raised and her fur on end, and her sharp teeth wrapped around his upper arm in an attempt to drag him away.

“Dude! Dude!” In a panic -- “Kumo, it's a kumo!” -- Kiel scurried backwards on his butt, accidentally rolling the pile of fabric as he went. “Wah! Face, it's a face!” Out of the shadows of what he'd assumed was a pile of fabric (or a kumo) had flopped a pale hand, and then a corpse's face.

Kiel's scream was totally not girly.

[Maaike]

Maaike was returning from a small village north-east of Hesia, an unconscious Anyelos tossed over and tied to Cailean's saddle. She'd been forced to tie his wings tight to his back; they'd flopped around so much at such an awkward angle, she'd been worried about doing him a serious injury. Considering that his crimes were fairly minor (he was a thief), she'd had more consideration for his future than she would if he'd been a murderer, but mostly she didn't want to have to explain to the Guard back in Hesia why her bounty would never be able to fly again.

For the first couple of hours after she and the azani had ambushed him, he'd done nothing but chatter. He'd tried begging, pleading, bribing, threatening — and even seducing at one point! — but Maaike had gritted her teeth and forged on, trying to ignore him. When he'd started screaming and yelling for help, she'd laughed: Who did he think would hear him out here in the wilds? But then he'd attracted attention from a small pack of kelpie wolves, their frothy fins churning up the water along the edge of the lake, and while they weren't exactly in a position to attack, Maaike was sure eventually he'd attract predators who weren't bound to the water. She'd been tired of his noise, anyway, and a fist to his jaw was all it took to shut him up.

“Neme's bright tonight.” She wasn't usually the type to muse aloud, especially when she had only Cailean for company (Magda was circling their route up ahead, the odd cry piercing the night to alert Maaike to her location), but Lake Sybil (or any lake, for that matter) was creepy at night. The sound of gentle waves licking the grassy banks, the occasional splash of a fin warning her she wasn't alone... even Cailean's desultory snorts were starting to freak her out.

“Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”

The woman's scream brought Maaike to a halt, her whole body tensing as adrenaline shot through her. She searched the night, her gaze frantic, and had to adjust her grip on Cailean's reins when the azani pulled back, hard. “Shhh, shhh, it's okay.” She didn't feel like it was okay, though. Stories of wraiths and vlareons and all manner of beasts flickered through her mind (even knowing there were no actual wraith here).

Her protective instincts kicked in. Maaike's shrill whistle called Magda back to circle overhead as an early warning system, and she clicked her tongue; Cailean's ears flicked and he turned toward the scream, leading her there.

When she got there and saw who it was, Maaike could only groan. “Xanth damn it, not you.” But then her brain registered what her eyes were telling it: that woman's scream, a body on the ground, and the talkative Dracovarian on his butt. Maaike's prejudice put two and two together; her knees bent and her feet braced hip-width apart, she centred herself and clucked her tongue. At her left shoulder, Cailean snarled, and over their heads, Magda swooped low, claws out to attack. “Murderer!”

[Kiel]

Things just kinda went from bad to way bad, you know? Shane growled low in her throat as something came out of the dark. At first, Kai didn't recognise the woman, because Neme was behind her and her face was just a silhouette. Then he heard her voice. It took him a second to place it, because his brain was fuddled by thoughts of Oh, Xanth, oh, Xanth, there's a body, a body, a dead body!, but her "Not you" drudged up memories of sewers and grouchy Therians.

And then it was moot anyway, 'cause she was hissing "Murderer!" and Kai scampered back even further — towards her, because he really thought she'd seen whoever did in the body he'd found. “Wah! Where, where? Gerritoffamee!” The claws that came at him scratched his face before he could lift his hands to ward it off, and then they were getting the snot stitched out of them too. Shane leaped into the air like a carser playing catch, sharp teeth snapping shut near its butt but missing the bird itself. When she landed, she had a mouth full of tail feathers and was her nose was scrunched up in a snarl, the bird — a hawk? — circling back for another run.

Kiel scrambled to his feet and turned his back to the woman, automatically just assuming she was totally on his side. “It's okay, it's okay, I'm a professional!” His hand dropped to his waist in search of his missing katana (dude, he really had to sort that out, man, for sers!), then switched directions and headed for his hook swords instead. “I'll protect you!” It never even occurred to him that, like, maybe she thought he was the killer or something, you know? “Like, how do you kill a demon bird, though, you know? Like, you think it's a vlareon in disguise or something?”

[Maaike]

Maaike gaped, her jaw slack. How under Hel had this guy survived hundreds of years? — And he had to be at least a few hundred, given that he was 'Varian and (supposedly) adult. He was damned lucky she wasn't armed, because the first instance his back turned on her, she would have slit his throat. As it was, she could only goggle at the nape of his neck.

“A professional what, exactly?” The word "moron" sprung to mind; as did "idiot", "addlepate", "blockhead", "dimwit" and "simpleton". And he thought she needed protection? Nevertheless, Maaike gave a shrill whistle to call Magda off her next attack, reaching back and sideways to pet Cailean's muzzle. There was no way this lunkhead was a murderer — not unless he was really good at acting the fool.

“It's not a vlareon.” The falcon swooped down to land on the pommel on Cailean's saddle, as if to prove Maaike's statement, her feathers ruffling. The "demon bird" was clearly pissed to have lost tail feathers, but Maaike was kind of impressed that the 'kin had managed to touch her.

Then again, she was just as impressed that the hyperactive dunce had bonded with a Shadowkin in the first place. “You want to tell me why there's a body on the lakeside?”

[Kiel]

“Wahhhhh...” The sight of a mistral falcon coming to rest on an azani's saddle sent Kiel's whole pet obsession into overdrive. Wanna pet, wanna pet, wanna pet! His fingers wiggled, the palms of his hands itching, the body — and the 'kin! — at his feet totally forgotten for a second... or three. Then Shane, probably sensing he was about to bound forward and glomp the threesome into next week, licked his hand and made him jump a mile into the moonlit sky. “Wah! Wet, cold, wet! Wahahahaha.”

Distracted by his Chosen (just as she'd planned), he bobbed down onto his haunches to scruffle her behind the ears. “Like, you're awesome, man, for sers.” She purred, tilting her head so he could scrunch the fur under her chin.

“You want to tell me why there's a body on the lakeside?”

Kiel glanced up, peering at the woman's silhouette. His excitement toppled over flat on its face, and his gaze twitched toward the crumpled "pile of clothes". “I dunno, man, for sers. Like, one minute we were just totally walking along, right, and the next I was tripping over this kumo, a kumo! Only it wasn't a kumo, 'cause it was a dead body.” His voice dropping into hushed tones, he stopped petting Shane to ask, urgent, “You think they got eaten by a vlareon?”

[Maaike]

What was with this guy and vlareons? He seemed obsessed with finding someone who had become a victim. Did he not know how bloody dangerous those things were? Maaike herself had never encountered one, thank Xanth, but she'd heard plenty of stories about them — some of them from warriors who didn't bat an eye about hunting blue panthers or even hydras! — to know to steer well clear. "You ever find a vlareon, Maaike-bun — or a vlareon ever finds you — you run like death itself is on your heels." That's what her mama always said, and she meant to obey should the need ever arise.

“No, I don't think they got eaten by a vlareon.” She didn't bother with the logic behind her denial — like the fact that the body was still there, for one thing — because she sincerely doubted the idiot would be able to keep up, or believe her if he did. “Let me see.”

It was impossible to find tracks in the dark, but Neme was bright enough and reflecting off the water that she thought she might be able to spot some clues, at least. She'd be able to smell something, too, so she hunkered down near the body and sniffed around — literally. “Nn. Not an animal.” There were a couple of footprints beside the body, and they were distinctly humanoid. She couldn't pinpoint the scent, but it was definitely not the earthy smell of a beast. “Probably bandits.”

Maaike sighed as she straightened up, glancing at the man slung over Cailean's back. She was debating internally over how much it would kill her to let him go in order to chase down a murderer.

[Kiel]

“Oh.” Oddly disappointed that this was a run-of-the-mill attack, Kiel kicked at a clump of grass. His sulk only lasted as long as it took a few shards to scatter in the breeze that rippled off Lake Sybil, and then he was hopping up behind the Therian chick to check out what she was sniffing at.

“Doesn't that smell disgusting?” He wiped his nose with his thumb and then used his sleeve to cover it, the bridge wrinkled against the smell. It wasn't actually that bad, he guessed, since the body wasn't putrid or anything yet, but it was still bad, you know?

“Hey, hey, so what's your name anyway? You never said. I'm Kiel Taskel, you know?” Turning away from the body because it was grossing him out, he moved ever closer to the azani without even realising it (like, for sers, man, he so wasn't doing it deliberately) while Shane joined the sniffing party.

It was there that he realised, like, “Dude, did you know there's a dead guy on your azani's back?”

[Maaike]

Xanth give me strength.

Had Maaike known she'd be pinching the bridge of her nose between finger and thumb while sitting on her haunches over a dead body at two in the morning, her patience tested by whatever moron gave birth to the lardbrain sneaking toward Cailean, she would have stayed home and let her bounty go free for another night.

“He's not dead.” She supposed she owed him that much, really, since it probably was a situation that gave cause for concern. He should be more worried about his own neck, though: she was coming real close to needing a bounty herself. “And no, I didn't say.” No way she was giving this blockhead her name, and she almost desperately blanked out his with a mental “Lalalalalalaa!” The fewer dealings she had with him, the better.

Straightening to her feet in one lithe motion, Maaike eyed the Dracovarian from head to toe. She was trying to gauge just how strong he was (he was a Rut', so probably quite), and weighing the benefits of having him around as a pack mule against the cons of losing her bounty just to take in a dead body. It was impossible to tell in the dark if the corpse was the victim of a murder or predatory attack, or if they'd just keeled over on the lakeside. It was also impossible to tell who they were: Any trace of ID, including a wallet, was gone, but that didn't mean, necessarily, that they'd been mugged, only that they didn't carry that kind of stuff — which was fairly common out here, actually.

Finally deciding that she justice — and money — were worth her sanity, Maaike clipped out, “You can carry the body, right? Cailean's already over-burdened, but we should take him in.” At least as a pack mule, he'd have some use.

Even if it was to talk her ears off.

[Kiel]

Kiel was too accustomed to Zeph's grouchiness to pay any mind to Maaike's. He was pretty much oblivious to it, actually, except for the fact that he still didn't know her name. There could be a whole bunch of reasons to keep it to herself so, like, Kiel shrugged and moved on — especially when she assured him the dude on the azani's back wasn't dead, easing his mind and driving out (mostly) the totally random reasons his imagination had invented for her to be carting a body around with her.

When she suggested that he carry the corpse, however, he totally dug his heels in. “Like, ewwwwwwwwwwwwww, are you for sers, man? Like, for sers? You want me to carry a body? A dead body,” he clarified, as if she weren't already aware of just how dead the dude was. “It totally smells, and it's disgusting and stuff!” He wouldn't have thought she'd need telling how bad it stunk, given her Therian sniffing and all, but clearly she thought his nose was useless or something or why else would she think he could walk around under the stench without passing out?

“Like, can't you put the dead guy on the azani, and lemme carry the live one or something?” He had no problem with carrying stuff, you know, it was just that whole "dead" thing that he was balking at. And, like, it wasn't even just the stink, but, like, what if a vlareon was attracted to the smell of death and tried to eat him by mistake, you know?

His response to his internal panic was instantaneous, and very verbal. “No, thanks!”

[Maaike]

Well, there went that plan. Not that she could really blame him for not wanting to be anywhere near the stench of a corpse, but she levelled a "Seriously?" look at him anyway.

If she didn't know better, she would have assumed he was just a child and wondered what he was doing out here with only his Chosen and his weapons for company. Playing at grown-ups, perhaps, or make-believe adventuring? Except that she did know better, thanks to Ashton, and instead had to wonder what under Hel his mentors were thinking, allowing him — nay, sponsoring him! — for entry into a warrior Sept. She had learned to dislike Dracovari, most especially Peteulani, because of Ashton's treatment of her, but she had until now assumed they were all as wise and intelligent as they were purported to be. Now she knew different, but she wasn't sure how to take the revelation. Somehow, knowing that Ashton came from a species that could be full of Therian-like simplicity and child-like wonder, only made his arrogance worse.

“Fine.” Scrubbing briefly at an eyebrow with her thumb, Maaike sent her gaze skyward. It was mostly a gesture of impatience, but she checked the stars while she was at it. At least she was on the right track for the city.

She almost didn't help the Rutilus switch bodies, but Cailean was getting restless and didn't like being approached by strangers. She risked losing her pack mule if she didn't intervene, so with a heavy sigh, she followed the talkative man to the azani's side and unfastened the tethers keeping the Anyelos in place. Without a second thought, she yanked her bounty out of the saddle and, with a tight-lipped smile, stepped back and lifted both hands briefly as a "Is this satisfactory?" gesture. The Anyelos groaned and rolled over, then yelped and turned back when his bound wings encountered the muddy grass.

“You know, when I suggested bondage before, I didn't mean this.” He groaned again, halfway to his knees in an effort to stand, when Maaike planted her boot in the centre of his spine and pushed.

“Should have thought of that before getting your face plastered all over a wanted poster, eh?” Foot still planted to keep her bounty down — she was going to have to knock him out again if Kiel was going to carry him safely, damn it — Maaike turned her gaze on the Dracovari and raised both eyebrows. “That body's not going to saddle itself.”

[Kiel]

Okay, so like, this chick was really kinda creepy, the way she just yanked the dude off the saddle like that. He was trussed up so bad he could barely move, and those wings looked really painful like that, but she just kicked him while he was down, man, for sers. Like, literally, you know? “Hey, hey, like, dude, leave him alone!” Like, bounty or no bounty, he was a person, you know? Kiel didn't think even Zeph would treat a dude like that.

“Buh... bondage?” Kiel blushed a little at that. Like, Zeph was the first person he'd dated so the thought of playing games like that kinda weirded him out. Was that why Maaike was acting like that? 'cause she was a dominatrix or something? Was this just some kind of game they'd played? “Wahhhh...”

But no, 'cause, like, she was talking about that WANTED poster again, like she was for sers, you know? And the guy didn't look like he was enjoying himself at all, so as Kiel acted on the "will you hurry up?" gesture and grappled the dead body into the azani's saddle -- azani, man, azani! -- he quizzed, “So, like, you two known each other long?” If he was anyone else, he probably would have stopped there and not seemed nosy for it, but he was Kiel, so he continued, “Just 'cause, like, I never met anyone before who was into bondage -- not openly, at least, like, you know -- but that guy totally looks not comfy and I dunno what kinda game you're playing but there's a dead body here, okay, and I think it's kinda mean to just be, like, playing games still when there's a dead body. You know? 'cause of the dead body.”

[Maaike]

This time, Maaike wasn't alone when she shot the blabbermouth an utterly disbelieving stare. Her quarry paused in his efforts to squirm out of his bonds to peer at Kiel as if he couldn't quite believe the 'Varian was real, then arched his eyebrows at Maaike as if to ask, "Where under Hel did you find him?" Maaike could only shrug and lift her own eyebrows, a silent response: "How should I know?"

The Rutilus' obsession with "dead bodies" was grating on her nerves and she finally snapped when he said the words for the hundredth time, treating her like she had no respect at all for the dead. She shot forward and bared her teeth in a feral snarl, her forearm across his wind pipe and his back against Cailean's thorny hide. Her hiss was more animal than human. “Shut up.” She didn't bother vocalising the insult she knew was written all over her face. “I have more respect for the dead than you Dracovari ever will.” She drew back and pulled away before he could turn her nearness against her, but her angry stomps were thwarted by the muddy grass and turned into schleps instead.

Her bounty saw her coming. “Erk.” He struggled to get his knees under him on his way to his feet, but his wings were too heavy and awkwardly bound so he tried with the begging again instead. “I'll be good. You don't have to — ugh.” Maaike shook out her fist, studying the bruised knuckles under the Neme-light and grimacing. His jaw was surprisingly hard and pointy.

Not even glancing back at the blabbermouth, Maaike stalked off, barking over her shoulder, “Let's go.” It was going to be a long trip back to town.

OOC// Thread finished.